Zeina Read online

  What could Zakariah al-Khartiti possibly write concerning the Feast?

  The Feast was a happy time in his childhood, for, like other children, he enjoyed the sight of the slaughter of the sheep. He woke up at dawn to the sound of the butcher calling out “Butcher, butcher”.

  He ran to open the door for him. The man held a large knife in his hand, his gown all stained with blood. He rolled his sleeves, recited the Islamic testimony, then struck the neck with the knife. The poor sheep’s eyes, filled with terror and sadness, would protrude. Frozen tears covered its eyes as it kicked a little and bled profusely from its slashed neck. The head rolled away from the body as though in a dancing ritual. Children cheered happily, wore their new clothes and shoes, ate the grilled liver of the sheep, went to the swings, hit sparrows with their slings, and walked behind the lame orphan boy shouting and taunting him, “Here’s the idiot, the idiot, the idiot.”

  The lame boy tripped as he ran away to escape them. He fell on the ground and they laughed and shouted happily, “The bull is down, out with the knife!”

  Zakariah al-Khartiti was engrossed in writing, “My dear readers, what lovely days those were! The Feast then was a real feast. It was a time of plenty and the children were genuinely happy.”

  When he read out the column to his wife, Bodour, who was engrossed in her novel, pouted her lips in dismay, saying to herself, this nonsense could only be written by a primary school child, an unfeeling, heartless dimwit without any tenderness or humanity.

  Since her childhood, Bodour had hated feasts, particularly the Great Feast when sheep were slaughtered. She would continue to see the sad eyes of the slaughtered animal pursuing her in her sleep. She saw them in the mirror in the morning, before she went to school or went to bed. She saw them in the eyes of Zeina Bint Zeinat when people told her she was the product of sin, and when verses from the Bible, the Qur’an, and the Torah were recited on the radio. She saw those eyes when the sheikh said that the three books were revelations from heaven to Christians, Muslims, and Jews. As followers of heavenly religions, they would all go to heaven after death, if they believed in Muhammad and the Qur’an, and admitted that Jesus, Mary’s son, was not crucified or killed by a human hand, but was lifted to heaven by the command of God.

  Ever since her childhood, she had been assailed by profound doubts. But her fears kept her faith intact. In her adolescence, she started to read. Nessim asked her, “Did you read the Qur’an, the Bible, and the Torah? How could you believe in books you haven’t read? Have you read Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels? Have you read Aba Dhar al-Ghafari, al-Ghazali, Avicenna or Averroes? Or Rab’aa al-Adaweyah, Ibn Khaldoun, al-Roumi or Omar al-Khayyam’s poetry?”

  Nessim laughed as he said, “Al-Khayyam’s poetry is much more delicious than Omar al-Khayyam red wine.”

  Bodour tasted wine for the first time when she was nineteen years old. It was also the first time she read al-Khayyam’s poetry, written a thousand years earlier.

  She stopped at four lines of poetry that lit a dark corner of her mind:

  Tell me, God, what human being has not disobeyed you?

  Tell me, God, what would be the point of life without sin?

  If you punished me, God, by sending me evil things in return for the evil I committed,

  What would be the difference between us?

  These four lines struck her, and she began to ask God many questions. Why did you create me, oh God, as a woman with a hymen and a womb that can carry the seed of sin, and make the male body free?

  When Bodour read the first few pages of the Torah, she wondered if those were the true words of God when they sounded so hard to believe?

  Opening the Torah she read:

  And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the place with flesh instead thereof. And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from the man, made He a woman, and brought her unto the man. And the man said: “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

  Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman: “Yea, hath God said: ‘Ye shall not eat of any tree of the garden’?” And the woman said unto the serpent: “Of the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat; but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said: ‘Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.’” And the serpent said unto the woman: “Ye shall not surely die; for God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as God, knowing good and evil.”

  [...]

  And He said: [...] “Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?” And the man said: “The woman whom Thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.” And the LORD God said unto the woman: “What is this thou hast done?” And the woman said: “The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.” And the LORD God said unto the serpent: “Because thou hast done this, cursed art thou from among all cattle, and from among all beasts of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life. And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; they shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise their heel.” Unto the woman He said: “I will greatly multiply thy pain and thy travail; in pain thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”

  [...]

  And the LORD God said: “Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil; and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever.” Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden [to till the ground from whence he was taken].

  [...]

  And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them, that the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives, whomsoever they chose.

  [...]

  The Nephilim were in the earth in those days, and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bore children to them.

  [...]

  “Neither shall thy name any more be called Abram, but thy name shall be Abraham; for the father of a multitude of nations have I made thee. And I will make thee exceeding fruitful, and I will make nations of thee, and kings shall come out of thee. And I will establish My covenant between Me and thee and thy seed after thee throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be a God unto thee and to thy seed after thee. And I will give unto thee, and to thy seed after thee, the land of thy sojournings, all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession; and I will be their God.” And God said unto Abraham: “And as for thee, thou shalt keep My covenant, thou, and thy seed after thee throughout their generations. This is My covenant, which ye shall keep, between Me and you and thy seed after thee: every male among you shall be circumcised. And ye shall be circumcised in the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a token of a covenant betwixt Me and you. And he that is eight days old shall be circumcised among you, every male throughout your generations, he that is born in the house, or bought with money of any foreigner, that is not of thy seed. He that is born in thy house, and he that is bought with thy money, must needs be circumcised; and My covenant shall be in your flesh for an everlasting covenant. And the uncircumcised male who is not circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin, that soul shall be cut off from his people; he hath broken My covenant.”

  Bodour read God’s words written in the Torah, and wondered how God’s covenant could possibly lie in cutting off a piece of flesh from the human body. How could God give the land of Canaan or Palestine to an army of killers in return for a covenant of the flesh? How could He command a woman to desire her husband when he dominated her? Why did He promise her pain in bringing forth her children? And how did
the sons of God marry the daughters of men? Why was it that God’s children were all male? And how was it that God had children in the Torah, His first book, and was later described as having no children in His third book, the Qur’an?

  Bodour opened God’s second book, the Bible, and she read similar statements though with minor variations. Here God also preferred males, for the Virgin Mary gave birth to Christ from the spirit of God that was male and not female. Christ was God’s son and God warned people against adulterous women.

  And there came one of the seven angels which had the seven vials, and talked with me, saying unto me, Come hither; I will shew unto thee the judgment of the great whore that sitteth upon many waters With whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with the wine of her fornication. So he carried me away in the spirit into the wilderness: and I saw a woman sit upon a scarlet colored beast, full of names of blasphemy, having seven heads and ten horns. And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet color, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication And upon her forehead [was] a name written, MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH. And I saw the woman drunken with the blood of the saints, and with the blood of the martyrs of Jesus.

  [...]

  The seven heads are seven mountains, on which the woman sitteth. And there are seven kings: five are fallen, and one is, [and] the other is not yet come; [and when he cometh, he must continue a short space].

  [...]

  And he saith unto me, The waters which thou sawest, where the whore sitteth, are peoples, and multitudes, and nations, and tongues. And the ten horns which thou sawest upon the beast, these shall hate the whore, and shall make her desolate and naked, and shall eat her flesh, and burn her with fire.

  [...]

  And he cried mightily with a strong voice, saying, Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is become the habitation of Devils, and the hold of every foul spirit, and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird. For all nations have drunk of the wine of the wrath of her fornication, and the kings of the earth have committed fornication with her, and the merchants of the earth are waxed rich through the abundance of her delicacies.

  [...]

  How much she hath glorified herself, and lived deliciously, so much torment and sorrow give her: for she saith in her heart, I sit a queen, and am no widow, and shall see no sorrow. Therefore shall her plagues come in one day, death, and mourning, and famine; and she shall be utterly burned with fire: for strong [is] the Lord God who judgeth her. And the kings of the earth, who have committed fornication and lived deliciously with her, shall bewail her, and lament for her, when they shall see the smoke of her burning.

  [...]

  And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him [was] called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war. His eyes [were] as a flame of fire, and on his head [were] many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself. And he [was] clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and his name is called The Word of God. And the armies [which were] in heaven followed him upon white horses, clothed in fine linen, white and clean. And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. And he hath on [his] vesture and on his thigh a name written, KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.

  Bodour felt out of breath as she read God’s book, the Bible. She had no idea why there was so much animosity toward the sinful woman whose wine the kings of the earth drank. She didn’t understand why a bloody war broke out both in the sky and on earth between the kings in cooperation with the greatly sinful woman and the new king, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, on whose thighs and dress his name was written.

  Bodour stopped at the verse speaking about Gog and Magog:

  And when the thousand years are expired, Satan shall be loosed out of his prison, And shall go out to deceive the nations which are in the four quarters of the earth, Gog and Magog, to gather them together to battle: the number of whom [is] as the sand of the sea. And they went up on the breadth of the earth, and compassed the camp of the saints about, and the beloved city: and fire came down from God out of heaven, and devoured them. And the Devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone, where the beast and the false prophet [are], and shall be tormented day and night forever and ever.

  Bodour trembled from the enormity of the war, the fire and the bloodshed in the three books of God. The Qur’an mentioned the same names, Gog and Magog, Satan and the blazing fires for those who did not worship God. God recognized the presence of men in the Qur’an, but not that of women, whose names were completely absent. He didn’t mention the name of Eve but referred to her as Adam’s wife. Pharaoh’s wife who tempted the prophet Joseph had no name, and neither was Khadiga, Prophet Muhammad’s first wife, mentioned in the Qur’an by name. Only the Virgin Mary, Jesus’ mother, was referred to by her name and a whole chapter was dedicated to her.

  Nessim encouraged her to rebel against God. He wondered how she could believe in a god that did not address her or mention her by name, and made her subservient to her husband. In all three books, women were not treated as the equals of men.

  At nineteen Bodour was torn between her love for Nessim and her faith in God and her belief in the truthfulness of the Qur’an, the Bible, and the Torah. Before sleeping, she opened the Qur’an to read:

  And they ask you about menstruation. Say: It is a discomfort; therefore keep aloof from the women during the menstrual discharge and do not go near them until they have become clean

  Your wives are a tilth for you, so go into your tilth when you like

  And the divorced women should keep themselves in waiting for three courses; and it is not lawful for them that they should conceal what Allah has created in their wombs, if they believe in Allah and the last day; and their husbands have a better right to take them back in the meanwhile if they wish for reconciliation; and they have rights similar to those against them in a just manner, and the men are a degree above them

  So if he divorces her she shall not be lawful to him afterwards until she marries another husband

  Bodour stopped at this verse. Her aunt was divorced from her husband three times. When her husband wanted to re-marry her, the Ma’zoun told him he couldn’t until she had married another man. Only after the temporary man had divorced her might he re-marry her.

  She was ten years old when she saw her aunt cry the whole night, talking to God: “But where is the justice, God? Why put me through such misery? My husband divorced me at a whim three times, and every time he re-married me. After the third time, I have to sleep with a stranger for a day, two days or even half an hour so that I can re-marry my husband. But what am I? A doormat to be trampled on by men? You should punish my husband for divorcing me three times, and not punish me by making me sleep with a strange man. Where is the justice in that, God?”

  Bodour also read:

  Surely your Lord is Allah, Who created the heavens and

  the earth in six periods of time

  Wasn’t this statement uncannily similar to the statement in the Bible? And why six days? God also addresses the Prophet saying:

  O Prophet! surely We have made lawful to you your wives whom you have given their dowries, and those whom your right hand possesses out of those whom Allah has given to you as prisoners of war, and the daughters of your paternal uncles and the daughters of your paternal aunts, and the daughters of your maternal uncles and the daughters of your maternal aunts who fled with you; and a believing woman if she gave herself to the Prophet, if the Prophet desired to marry her – specially for you, not for the (rest of) believers; We know what We have ordained for them concerning their wives and those whom their right hands possess
in order that no blame may attach to you; and Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.

  Bodour said to herself, why should the Prophet have all those women? He was supposed to be more chaste than other men, a role model of faithfulness to his life’s partner. He stayed faithful to his first wife, Khadiga, for twenty years and never slept with any other woman until she died. Why did his marital fidelity change following the death of Khadiga?

  After Bodour became an adult and got married to Zakariah al-Khartiti, she understood why her husband committed adultery. She saw him creep out of her bed to go to other women. When she stopped him, he waved in her face saying, “This is a God-given right. Do you think your husband is going to be better than the Prophet himself?”

  After discovering his first infidelity, she couldn’t bear him touching her, let alone penetrating her. His naked body made her sick. She left him naked in bed and went to the bathroom to vomit silently, fearing he might hear her. A deep-seated fear was lodged within her heart from childhood and she had no idea where it came from. She felt repelled by her husband and never believed a word he said to her. If he told her he was going to attend a meeting or a conference, she would immediately know that he was going to spend a night of lust with another woman. As far back as she could remember, she heard women repeat the saying, “Trusting a man is like trusting water to stay in a sieve.”